The Five Minute Management Course

I'm Sharing with you an email received from a friend, the Five Minute Management Course: Lessons 1-6.

FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you
$800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few
seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you
may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to
reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his
hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he
let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and
went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find an
antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want
to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I
also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with
nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It
was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground
into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to
sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out
and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE, Hope you'll learn from it,